Friday, July 27, 2012

Toothpaste: A Choking Hazard?

I was so inspired or rather traumatized by last nights events that I decided to jump right into this blog that I have been mulling over for the past few weeks. So without further ado, here we go!

It seems as if anything bizarre or completely ridiculous is going to happen to someone, it is going to happen to me. I have accepted and embraced this fact as a condition of my existence. So, knowing that, it comes as little surprise that I would find myself the victim of a near fatal toothpaste choking yestereve. There I was innocently brushing my teeth when a poorly timed subconscious request for oxygen from my brain, triggered the ill-fated automatic inhalation response that subsequently led to the abrupt, strategic and inappropriate lodging of the Sparkling White Mint Zing in my trachea. For those of you who have not experienced the joy of choking on toothpaste I will liken it to swallowing a habanero pepper whole and chasing it with battery acid, only not quite as pleasant. I spent the next half an hour doubled over the sink choking, coughing, vomiting and swinging violently at my partner who, for the lack of proper first aid training, proceeded to pat me on the back in an effort to help........or more aptly kill me. On the verge of cerebral hypoxia, one final violent upheaval of mango lemonade cleared the path and normal breathing was finally restored. I woke today with a scratchy, rough throat and sounding a bit like Marge Schott, minus the racial epithets, but I am recovering nicely.

5 comments:

  1. Your first blog...I'm so proud of you, my little budding Hemmingway. I think we should celebrate, I'm going to take you to McDonalds. I wasn't actually trying to kill you it was an attempt to dislodge the toothpaste and prevent further spitting in my clean sink

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    1. I think I had a better angle on the cleanliness of the sink. I'm not sure I would agree with your assessment of the cleanliness. Could you please provide a terse synopsis of the methods employed in determining the cleanliness of said sink?

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  2. LOVED it!! You made me laugh!!! Glad you're okay :)
    Jeanette

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  3. Glad I could entertain you;) It's always something, isn't it?

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  4. It just happend to me just now. And i felt horrible. My throat felt like it was getting burned from the inside. Then i vomited.

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