Forgot to mention....

.......I'm in Nova Scotia now!

Camp Day 1

Made it to the campground - only got lost twice today....but finally found my way to the campground. Found two sand dollars this morning walking the beach at sunrise. That was the best part of the day!

The wind has been blowing so hard I didn't even bother setting up tent yet. Had a very lovely dinner with Scott and David the campers adjacent to my campsite.After dinner the boys introduced me to everybody at  at the campground. If you are LGBT you know that I do mean literally EVERYbody. Gay men are wonderful socialites. Don't worry dear --- No women at all here;)

It is nearly 8pm...I haven't slept since I woke this morning at 4:00 ---So I figure I have had roughly 7- hours of sleep since I left Indiana Wednesday afternoon.I do need to get some sleep tonight so I don't start getting crazy ---that happens with sleep deprivation. I'd rather not get to that point. I should sleep well even through these wicked winds. Nyxy is already sawing logs next to me - that's my guard dog!

Still have so much to tell you guys...so many more stories, but so little time. And seriously bad internet service here....hope I can get this post published (crossing fingers).

And here comes the rain. Going to be a wild weather night ---- just the kind of night you want to spend in the back of a pickup truck under a fiberglass shell! Do they have tornadoes up here? Please don't even answer that!

Gotta get some Zzzzz's now!

Yeah Canada

Yeah! No line, no waiting at customs! In New Brunswick now!

The Devil Store

The devil store doesn't open until 7:00? SERIOUSLY?

Who has time to wait until 7:00?

Heading for New Brunswick, I bet they have a devil store too!

I sure hope they didn't catch my morning routine on camera. I would really hate to see that on T.V.

Calais, Maine

Made it safe and sound. Sleeping a few hours in the "devil store" parking lot. Need a new phone charger first thing in the morning. I hate the devil store! Argh......paying cash, so there wont be any permanent record of me doing business with them;)

SCORE!!

Are you flippin kidding me? A Quiznos and a Starbucks together in one travel plaza! YES!!!!!

New Hampshire

Comming through Connecticut and Massachusetts was gridlock! Four lanes of bumper to bumper at 75 mph.....until Boston! 75 mph to 0mph...FUN! Crossed into New Hampshire at 2:48pm. Had a Mountain Dew and a peanut M&M package (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and a played "guess who the serial killer is" watching people come and go from the rest stop. Fell asleep  for a couple hours, in the truck bed. Had the tailgate down and rear window raised. Lived  to tell about it, so I guess the creepy guy in the black truck was not the serial killer after all. Back on the road at 6:00. Grabbed another Mt. Dew and peanut M&M from vending machine.....what a sugar buzz!!! Calais here I come!

Maine

Wow! What a beautiful place. First thing I noticed was the incredible number of coniferous trees. They are everywhere. Then pulled into the Starbucks and saw "Maine, the pine tree state" on a gift shop t-shirt. I guess that explains it.

Yeah Starbucks!!! Haven't had  a starbucks since  Pennsylvania. Oh how I've missed my legally addictive stimulant!

Four more hours of drive time. Should make Calais by midnight....unless I run into more Starbucks. Who knew they sold the cool lime refreshers (green coffee extract - yum) in a instant mix five pack? Gotta go!

Where's Nyxy

Nyxy is at a service station somewhere in Connecticut;)

Left for Nova Scotia around 3:00pm Wednesday afternoon.  Just 35 hours behind schedule, but 12 hours ahead of my original planned departure.  I hate schedules. Wish i could just lay down for the night as it is 10:30pm, but I can't because I am behind schedule. I am somewhere east of Pittsburgh. Was shooting for Connecticut, but will be lucky to make Harrisburg.

Motion sickness is killing me....thought I only got that on boats! Gotta get back on the road!

Got lost in Hoboken, NJ, and NY City at 5:00 am, after driving 14 hours thru the night....that was exciting. Made it to Stamford, Connecticut by 7:00am.

Crawled in bed at 7:30am, Nyxy woke me at 8:30am....a solid hour of sleep. Nice! Been awake ever since. May as well be driving! It's 11:00am, shooting for Calais, Maine by midnight!

Wobbly Bits

So, my very dear friend in TX thinks my butt cheek injury is severe enough to warrant a trip to the doctors office. After speaking with her last night, I decided that she is probably right! That is the first and last time you will hear me say that Dr. A! I hate the thought of exposing my butt cheek to the doctor --can't I just send her a photo-shopped version of the photo I sent you? UGH! What a humbling experience this is going to be!

                             

Thanks for the advice and that wonderful story to boot. I'll make sure the exam room door is closed BEFORE I bare my wobbly bits! I guess nothing could be as humiliating as your experience. 

Rooster or Hen?

Is it a rooster or a hen? Text message the correct answer, to my cell, email or comment here on this blog, for a chance to win a very special prize! One winner will be selected from all winning entries! Good Luck! Deadline is noon,Wednesday, August 22, 2012.

Bad Karma

The evening we returned home, following the pearl truck incident, my partner and I installed the battery in the truck. This should have been a simple, painless task except that the truck sits up high enough as to require a step ladder to complete the job. Knowing how clumsy my partner can be I took the lead on climbing the small ladder. Just as I looked over the edge of the truck down on the battery I noticed there was no strap handle on the battery already in the truck. Nice! I exclaimed sarcastically. My partner, stretching from the front of the truck, took the ratchet to the thingy (very technical term)  holding the battery in place, while I removed the battery cables. When the battery was loose I pulled the 55 pound battery up and out of the battery tray and handed it off to my lovely assistant. The battery, not having a handle was quite heavy and awkward. I had to position myself to be able to lift the battery up and out with both hands without scratching the truck, which I accomplished by precariously balancing myself with one foot on the step ladder and one foot on top of the front tire. Just as I handed the battery off, I slipped and tumbled off the tire and ladder straight down onto a railroad tie lining the driveway. I hit bottom first on the same cheek that is still bruised from last weeks fall down the steps. The force knocked the wind out of me and I tumbled off the railroad tie onto the asphalt drive, face first. My right arm was contorted oddly under my body and my right hand was visible on my left side, near my waist. I was in quite a bit of pain when guess who shows up with a slap on my butt cheek. Yep, the same person that pats choking victims on the back. I screamed every obscenity in the book to get her to stop touching me, but she insisted on "comforting me". Fortunately, for her, my arm was still contorted awkwardly under my body. I could hear her chuckling as I lay for several minutes with my face on the asphalt and I had not even given the all clear sign yet. You know what I'm talking about. The unspoken signal, inherent to all people, that lets others know that you are fine, after a fall, and that it is okay to laugh now. As I lay for several painful minutes contemplating the situation, it struck me, bad karma from the pearl truck incident! 

The Pearl Truck

Yesterday evening my partner and I ran into a local retail store for a new truck battery and some mangoes. As we checked out, the cashier, a very congenial lady, and I became engrossed in conversation. She also needed a battery for her truck, which she is transforming into a show truck. At one point she was telling us about the color she had selected. She decided on a beautiful pearl white as the primary color for the truck, to which I replied was a lovely feminine color. You know the gorgeous pearl color that is a huge hit with grannies and Cadillac (sorry sis). At any rate, it was then that I noticed the family in line behind us. The children were snickering and the wife was fighting back a smirk, while the husband just grimaced and shifted his weight uncomfortably from one leg to the other. The cashier went on about how pretty and girly the truck was going to be and I remarked how emasculating the color alone was, that her husband would never drive her truck again. We all got a hardy chuckle and when the transaction was complete we took our battery and produce to the car. My partner took her sweet time returning the cart to the cart corral and just as she was returning to the car the lovely family from the checkout line exited the store. The lights flickered on the vehicle parked directly in front of us as the family all climbed into the beautiful, feminine, emasculating, pearl colored, pick-up truck!

I burst into laughter and quipped....."What are the odds"? My partner completed the question with  ..."of you sticking your foot in your mouth?"

Good point dear!

Now anyone who knows me  knows that when I open my mouth the chances of me inserting my foot are pretty darned good, but seriously, what are the odds of this happening to someone who doesn't live in the twilight zone? 

Immaculate Home Ruined by Ill-conceived Renovation.

Returning home from a recent mission in Columbus, Ohio, I found this saintly 18th century, Georgian Colonial home exalted by a gently rolling pastoral hill.   The once graceful architectural style of this edifice was condemned by the sinful construction of a room addition on the south facing wall and a portico to the east. Unfortunately the renovations, which were too glaring to passover, crucified the resale value of the once divine home with idyllic views. I have faith that the homeowners will have a revelation and convert the home to a condition that bears witness to its original glory.

No! Not the Modem!

Yes, yes the modem! The modem is dead! It's gonna be a long weekend:(

The Original Big Gulp

* Don't scroll down any further than the 5 underlined question marks at the bottom of the last paragraph, or you will spoil the story! Scroll down only after you've finished reading at the question marks!

When I was a little girl we didn't have big TV's, game systems, DVD players or even VCR's. Back in the day most children actually played outdoors. Can you imagine? I liked playing football, baseball and home-run derby with the boys. We would play outside all day long, coming in the house only at the end of a quarter or halftime for drinks. The problem was that my mom was pretty strict about kids running in and out of the house. Quite frequently I would get yelled at for running in to get a drink of water. I can remember mom yelling "if you come in this house one more time, you're staying in". Oh no! Not that! Anything but staying in the house. 

We lived in a two story, 3 bedroom house, with a basement that was partially above ground. The upper level of the house over hung the basement by a couple feet creating some well needed shade on a hot day. The backside of the basement, under that overhang, had windows right at ground level. 

On one particular day I had been yelled at several times and couldn't go in the house anymore. It was a hot summer afternoon and I was really thirsty, but not willing to risk staying indoors. Instead of jeopardizing the football game, I walked around the back of the house to get a drink from the water spigot, when all of a sudden I saw it. "My lucky stars, a bowl!" I thought that would be much easier to get a drink than cupping my hands, so I filled the little bowl with water and sat down in the shade to cool off. I was mid gulp of the second bowl full when I heard a loud banging on the basement window, causing me to spill the water down my chin and neck. I looked up from my water bowl to see my mother screaming something inaudible through the glass. What was she saying I wondered, as I tipped the bowl once again. Bang, bang, bang, on the window, she continued. Undeterred, I tipped the bowl for another big gulp, but just then the window popped open. "Get in this house right now!" I finished my water and headed for the door. I was really confused. She told me I couldn't come in the house anymore but now she was yelling for me to get in the house. What is wrong with grown-ups, I pondered. When I got in the house I got my britches paddled for drinking from ?????

You guessed it! The dog bowl!

Busted Tushie

I took a stumble down the steps last night and busted my tushie pretty good! As it is incredibly painful to sit, I am not staying long at the computer. Rest assured, I will resume blogging when I can sit without wincing. I think I will just hold off on posting a picture for this event! Maybe this will be funnier to me in a couple of days. Send singing nurses, chocolates and balloons directly to my door Ferris Bueller style!

JUMP

The Ultimate Dog Show at the Indianapolis Zoo.

The Indianapolis Zoo's new dog Show, Jump, is a barking good time. With several shows daily (except Wednesday) zoo visitors can choose a time that fits their hairy schedule. The handlers, Christina, Kerry, Tony and Chandler put on a wonderful show that really unleashed the excitement this past Friday. If you are looking for something to do around Indy this week, Jump: The Ultimate Dog Show, will definitely give you something to howl about! Paws down the best show in Indy right now!

No buts about it, Joe and Electra wow the audience with this stretch!

 

 

Christina and Fury give their fans a jump, with this rope skipping routine.

Loco makes an impressive, BIG AIR, catch!

Power, snakes thru the weave poles in a tight race with Que (below).

Que whips thru the weave poles in a close race against Power (above). Wanna Know who wins? Go see the show. You won't be disappointed.

Will Secure Intermittently

The U.S. Government's Y12 Nuclear weapons facility located in Oak Ridge, Tennessee has been closed temporarily, following a security breach that allowed three protestors to gain access to the inner perimeter of the weapons-grade uranium warehouse. Among those arrested and charged with vandalism and criminal trespass; an 82 year old nun! The security firm WSI Oak Ridge, which I have determined stands for Will Secure Intermittently, is subsidiary to G4S, the international security firm responsible for security at the London Olympics.

Now, I'm just curious; how lax does security have to be for an 82 year old nun to breach, not one, not two, not three, but four security fences and then proceed to amble about the premises for 2 hours, before reaching the uranium storage building?

We have been assured, by "officials" (whoever the heck they are) that this facility is equipped with "modern security features"! Exactly which chain link fence are they referring to as modern security? Additionally, these same officials tout "the contents of the building were not compromised". LOL! Not due to any security measure employed at this facility, but rather because the three protestors had no intentions of breaching the building. They merely hung crime scene tape and banners! Had Marty McFly or Dr. Emmett Brown been in need of uranium for the Delorean's flux capacitor (the time machine in the movie Back to the Future), I am certain that compromising this last barrier would have been no trouble for the young, agile, high school student and his mad scientist friend.

Reference

Hosenball, Mark. "Oak Ridge uranium plant shut after protesters breach 4 fences, reach building", U.S. News on NBCNEWS.com. 2 August 2012. Web. 2 August 2012 http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08/02/13092159-oak-ridge-uranium-plant-shut-after-protesters-breach-4-fences-reach-building?lite

Kindness and Forgiveness

As you may know, a gas station parking lot can, at times, become a very congested and dangerous place. In such situations it is best to have a navigator on board to assist in the maneuverings of large vehicles thru such tight areas. Not too long ago, I was attempting just such a stratagem, at a bustling gas station just off the interstate on the cities south side. In hindsight, the space I was attempting to navigate was not large enough to accommodate my beefy truck. Unfortunately, this fact did not present itself, until after this humiliating event unfolded.


Me: Am I going to make it?

Navigator: Yep, you're good!

Me: Are you sure?

Navigator: Yes! Go!

Me: You're positive?

Navigator: Uh huh!

Me: It doesn't look like it to me!

Navigator: It's fine. Go!


So I proceeded to maneuver, with the grace of a 5 year old on a Big Wheel,  thru the maze of cars at the pumps. Everything seemed fine and then, all of a sudden......THUMP!

I glance over to the passengers side window, right where my navigator is sitting, to see that the mirror of the truck has nailed the door of a small sedan next to us, forcing me to metaphorically pull the little blue brake handle on my Big Wheel. The sedan door, henceforth in slow motion, struck the well dressed, old gentleman, causing him to sprawl out across the roof of the car awkwardly as the soft cushion region of his slacks absorbed the blow. I think he exaggerated the impact, for dramatic presentation. He should be nominated for The Drama Desk Award for Outstanding One-Person Show.

My monologue, to my visually impaired navigator, that followed could be typed entirely with the shift key and the symbols located on the numbers keys of your keyboard! So I will leave that part on the cutting room floor.

After my obscenities had cleared the air, I lowered the passenger window and apologized to the gentleman, who despite being a drama queen, had a very amiable disposition. We exchanged pleasantries and friendly gestures and parted ways. Not sure I would have been as pleasant had the roles been reversed, but I thank you Mr. Gentleman, whoever you are, for teaching me something about kindness and forgiveness that day!

Blog Blogging

Everything I have ever done really well, was a struggle for me. I still get it wrong more than I get it right - and I am certain that my blogs will exemplify that fact. I'm not afraid of getting it wrong. In fact, getting it wrong provides an infinite supply of fodder for the stories that you all enjoy, like 'The Great Kroger, Coca Cola Debacle of 2009'. If I ever find a way to tell that story, without the expletives, I just might blog about it!

A little blog trivia for you: Chipz was a nickname first coined by a close friend of mine. Quipz should be self explanatory, but I know there are IU grads reading this, so allow me to explain. Quipz stems from quip; a clever comment or sarcastic remark. "Life at Mach 3, Without Safety Restraints" is a tag line I penned to infer a life lived dangerously. On the edge. Just flying by the seat of my pants at mach speeds, which may actually be more truth than inference.

I started this blog, for the opportunity to learn something new, to express myself, to be creative, to share with you, to make you smile, to make you laugh, maybe make you cry and maybe even make you think (ok, scratch that last one). And for some of you out there, maybe even make you piddle yourself. Don't worry! I am not pointing fingers here, but I may use that photo you sent to my cell phone, for an evidentiary blog someday;) I hope you enjoy my blogs, but if you don't, unlike in person, you can shut me up with the click of a button;)

Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to read my posts and provide me with feedback. You have been a tremendous help. I have also enjoyed the examples of other wonderful blogs that you guys have shared. I can only hope to aspire to such greatness. Please visit often and don't be afraid to leave comments. I do enjoy the banter.

Special thanks to my number one fan, promoter and partner! I love sharing my life with a woman who enjoys my quirky sense of humor, gets my jokes (after only the third or fourth explanation), and is always first in line with a pat on the back (when I'm choking on toothpaste). I love you dear!